my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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