I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
