the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
should my penis look like a turkey
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
