whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
