Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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