I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
