so that wasnt chicken after all
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
