im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
