she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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