I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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