Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fuck appropriateness.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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