I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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