Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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