I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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