youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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