clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
