her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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