Im at strip club and am horny
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
