Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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