My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
