Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
