Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
