I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
