you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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