I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
