Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
