He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
