I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
