Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
