Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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