Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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