just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
