They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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