I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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