the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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