I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
