I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
