apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
