oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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