So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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