The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
