I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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