Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
