Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
