Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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