At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
