The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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