Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
