HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
