just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hippo gnu deer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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