found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
