i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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