Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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