she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
